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UWA 05.30.07 Review (Chocolate Balls)

JD Marshall(c) Vs Prototype in a Ladder Match for the UCW Heavyweight Championship
We kick things off with Prototype coming out, who is carrying a clock and the UCW Tag Team Championship. JD comes out with the shovel, something he stole from Mike Moros, apparently. Prototype tackles JD down and lays in some hard punches and then taunts the champion. A stiff kick to the back, but JD hits a bulldog after given a second to recupe. JD locks in a Boston Crab and already Raymon14 is annoying me on commentary. JD locks in an interesting submission hold and misses a flip. PT hits JD with a rock...yeah. PT grabs the hose and hoses JD down as he runs away. PT yells like a southern plantation owner then hits JD with a VCR cover multiple times. JD fights back though and hits PT with the cover. PT dodges one of them but gets hit on the way back. A DDT sends PT reeling and JD locks in a headlock and both of them fight over the leverage. JD lifts PT up and drops him flat on his back to end it. JD hits a backdrop and climbs the ladder...and misses an elbow drop. PT climbs the ladder and gets a face full of boot. JD grabs the ladder and drops it on PT and stomps it into him. JD sets up the ladder, but decides to choke PT with the hose...ON THE LADDER! PT turns the hose on, however, and sprays JD once more. JD and PT fight over the hose until PT throws a rock at JD again. Both men fight over the ladder until they fall off the ladder onto the ground. PT rams JD into a house head first and hits a tornado DDT and supposedly throws a fireball at JD's face (so says Trace on commentary). JD "Marsh's Up" and kicks PT in the taint and hits the kitchen sink on PT to follow up. JD taunts PT who gets tapped in the sac. PT with some STIFF kicks to JD and then tosses JD into a tree. PT looks around and both men begin to fight back to the ring, ending with a bulldog. PT picks up another ladder and nails JD in the head with it then places it on JD...followed by Rolling Raindrops! PT goes crazy and starts throwing chairs, balls, and hoses at the champion to drive him away from the ring. We're now informed the "water" is acidic vagina juice; damn that's hardcore. PT throws a ladder at JD and begins to climb the ladder. PT goes insane again though and continues to throw chairs, 2x4s, and anything else he can find at Marshall. PT runs back to the ladder and grabs the belt. PT has the belt in his hand but JD throws a metal object at PT and causes him to drop the belt into JD's hand! (11:50) Not a bad match for the time given, but, I'm not sure if I can buy JD as a credible champion. At least he won by cheating...kind of. The match was silly and alright fun, but it didn't do much to help either guy. Entertaining opener, but easily the worst singles ladder match in UWA. **

Scott Slavins comes out just in his boxers. I'm not sure why, to be honest. Slavins announces he'll be wrestling The General in a "rematch because I've never wrestled him before." I'm confused as well. But before anything else can happen, THE SARGE comes out of nowhere and hits Slavins with a steel chair, sending him flying! The Sarge challenges the General to a match over the limp body of former UWA Undisputed Champion Scott Slavins. The General accepts, but only with Josh Bobb as the ref.

The Sarge Vs The General (With Josh Bobb as Special Ref)
Trace mentions that we haven't seen the Sarge since April 2006, which should be interesting ring-rust wise. I also think Sarge has yet to win a match. Both men circle one another but General seems a little scared. He should be, seeing as how he's been calling General out all month. Sarge comes out of nowhere with a spear to the General, followed by a suplex. Sarge mounts General and pounds away at General and pushes Bobb and the two get into an argument. General and Sarge grapple and wrestle until Sarge locks in the Sargemission. General elbows his way out of the hold and pounds at the challenger. General dropkicks Sarge and hits a suplex himself. Trace is really getting annoyed with Raymon14...it's good for the commentary, actually. Sarge challenges General, who backs off. Sarge punches himself to amp up, but misses a spear. Sarge gives General a free shot, who knees him. It doesn't phase him, however, and Sarge challenges him to yet another free shot. General hesitates, but eventually tries again but gets caught in a tackle and gets punched even more. A running knee to the face sends General down and Sarge kicks General in the chest. Both men get up and they brawl until Sarge falls down. General locks in an arm lock but Sarge fights out and locks in the Sargelock. Both men punch one another again and Sarge hits a pump rib breaker. Sarge climbs the ladder and misses a double axe handle smash and General pounds away at the head. General climbs the ladder and goes for the Five Star General Splash but gets nothing but knees. Sarge gets pissed at Bobb for not counting or something, and nails Bobb with the HATE CRIME and hits General with the MORTOR V2! Mike Moros runs out, pulling his pants up, and counts the three with the Sarge! Mike and Sarge hug afterwards, which brings up a few questions. (6:57) A brawl if nothing else. General played the role of a fearful opponent alright, but his random bursts of "bravery" really confused things. Sarge looked good in his return and didn't seem to have too much ring rust. **

Horatio has joined us on commentary as DIES comes out to the ring. We have K-Fed, Moros, Prototype, and Calypso this time. Calypso has broken the tag title, by the way. Calypso announces he needs to find a replacement for JD Marshall, someone who is just as good. So tonight, Prototype will face "perhaps the newest member of the Dodsworth Invidious Elite Squires"...CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!!

Special DIES Challenge: Chocolate Factory Vs Prototype
Prototype gets half-naked and then kicks CF with a cheapshot. CF comes back with another kick and even more stiff kicks and then steps over PT! CF walks on PT again and PT looks like he's about to die. CF climbs the second rung and hits the FUDGE PACKER and PT's ass has three new holes. Chocolate Factory climbs the ladder again and hits YET ANOTHER FUDGE PACKER!!!!!!! Chocolate Factory goes for the cover and...1...2....3! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER OF DIES!!!! (1:22) I love Chocolate Factory as he provides fun matches with a lot of humor. DUD for action, **** for humor. Everyone celebrates as Moros depacks the fudge from Prototype.

Calypso(c) Vs Josh Bobb in a 2 Out of 3 Falls match for the UWA Undisputed Championship (Protoclair as ref)
Josh Bobb earned this title shot back at 05.03.07 by defeating Calypso in roughly 10 minutes. Calypso claimed it was a fluke, so he demanded a 2 Out of 3 Falls match. Simple, eh? No gimmicks or anything tonight; just singles matches. Calypso is still sporting the half-shirt that he gained from "Blood and Popcorn" after it was ripped by Scott Slavins. Mike Moros has handed K-Fed the "Orange Shovel" and has upgraded himself to the "Titanium Shovel of DOOM". The bell rings and Calypso rushes Bobb and beats Bobb down. A flying clothesline is followed by some stiff punches. Calypso misses a clothesline and Bobb hits one of his own. Bobb works on the legs for a bit but goes to K-Fed and Moros to shovel the pain away. Calypso and Bobb grapple up and Bobb wins and knees Calypso in the face for the two. Calypso punches his way back up and the two exchange fists until Calypso uppercuts Bobb and hits a running knee. Calypso and Bobb exchange more punches and Bobb hits a running boot, a knee to the back, and a dropkick. Calypso chops the leg of the approching Bobb and takes advantage for quite some time, including a rare dropkick from the champ. Calypso locks in an interesting leg lock and rolls around to apply pressure or something. Calypso continues to work on the leg of Bobb, who refuses to tap out. Calypso hits a bodyslam and grabs a ladder. Calypso hits a tornado DDT off the ladder for two. Calypso sidekicks Bobb and follows up with a shoulderblock. Calypso then hits Bobb with THE HATE CRIME! Calypso takes off his shirt and goes for the cover for two. Calypso grabs the HATE CRIME again and hits Bobb with it while he's down. Calypso attempts it again, Josh Bobb punches it into his face, but Calypso hits him anyways. A suplex to the challenger gets a round of applause from the crowd. DIES shovels the pain off once more. A taint kick follows from Calypso who then tosses a table to Bobb as we go to break. Calypso climbs the ladder as we get back but Bobb catches him in a spinebuster and throws him through a table! Calypso works his way up but gets hit with the HATE CRIME! Calypso tries to crawl away but gets a DDT on THE HATE CRIME instead. Bobb hits Calypso with the chair for two. Bobb then hits Calypso with the ladder and tosses it on Calypso and then tosses a chair on him. They've already done more stuff with the ladder than in the ladder match. Bobb pounds away at Calypso and goes for the Termination Time but Calypso fights out and turns it into the DDT. Calypso climbs the ladder and hits an elbow drop after Protoclair kicks Bobb down for the three count! (11:10)

Calypso grabs THE HATE CRIME and hits Bobb with it yet again. Calypso grabs another ladder and rams it into the head of Josh Bobb. Calypso picks up a chair and wails on the back of Bobb with it. Calypso goes for the figure four, Bobb pushes him out of it but the champ rolls out and comes back with a running kick to the face. Bobb hits a low blow and follows up with the Twist of Bobb for two! Bobb attacks Protoclair which gives Calypso enough time to attack Bobb with the Orange Shovel. Calypso then hits THE CAFLIPSO ON THE GROUND!!! Protoclair and Moros attack the fallen challenger as Calypso sets up a ladder on two chairs. Calypso chops Bobb, hits a snapmare, a kick to the back, and then sets up a ladder. Bobb gets up but then gets hit with the Orange Shovel. Calypso places Bobb on the ladder and then climbs the standing ladder as Moros and Protoclair rape Bobb. Bobb gets up and tosses Calypso off the ladder onto the other ladder! Calypso needs to quit doing that for the three count! (16:11)

We're now in the third and final fall, 1-1. DIES shovels the champion, who gets some strength to chop the leg of Bobb. Calypso hits Bobb's leg with the chair and then props up a ladder against a chair. Calypso attempts to throw Bobb on it but it gets reversed and Calypso goes right into the ladder! Bobb hits a leg drop for two. Moros distracts the ref, who distracts Bobb, who gets a ladder thrown at him by the champ. Calypso hits the Shellshock and places a ladder on Bobb. Calypso then hits the CAFLIPSO on the ladder. Protoclair hits the Double Pump elbow off the ladder and then Calypso smashes the ladder into Bobb with a chair repeated times. Calypso kicks Bobb in the stomach and tosses a chair at him and hits another HATE CRIME. Calypso climbs the ladder and hits Bobb with the TITANIUM SHOVEL OF DOOM head first...and then Calypso hits Bobb with the belt. But Bobb kicks out at two! Josh Bobb is busted open badly. Calypso goes for another belt shot but gets caught with Termination Time...but only for two! Both men slowly get up. Bobb goes for the GORB, gets caught with a kick, and Calypso hits the Shellshock out of nowhere for the three!!! (21:22) The first fall consisted of both men wearing each other down, the second fall consisted of them destroying one another, and the third fall consisted of Calypso feeling scared and desperate and resorting to some pretty insane spots. Both men put up a hell of a fight and each fell had it's purpose. There was some silliness with DIES and Protoclair, but it didn't take away from the match at all. Bobb looks like a beast, taking on basically all of DIES and nearly coming out on top. Calypso looks like a hell of a champion taking a huge beating but coming out on top in the end. Even though Calypso is a UWA guy, you almost wanted Bobb to win just because of how tough he was. The last fall really made Bobb look great as he took shot after shot and it wasn't until a surprise Shellshock that he went down. It also shows how fragile the UWA lead is on the war against UCW. Calypso carried much of the match, but to say Bobb didn't hold his own would be an insult. He put on a hell of a performance and both men deserve credit. ****

Overall: Three of the four matches on this show were built up and had a reason. PT wanted revenge against JD, Sarge wanted to prove the General wrong, and Calypso needed to get his win back against Bobb. Even the DIES Challenge match saw DIES gain a new member. The undercard matches weren't classics by any stretch of the means but help to further the UWA/UCW storyline as well as DIES Vs the World and each match's own personal storyline. 2007 hasn't been the best year for five-star classics but we have seen the best storyline and the matches themselves are generally good...and as always there's one really good match; tonight's being Calypso Vs Josh Bobb. I was skeptical to see how they could do a 2 Out of 3 Falls match but they proved me wrong and put on a great match. Strong recommendation for "Chocolate Balls"